Don’t Stop Believin’

“Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world…“

Ordinarily on Thanksgiving Day, I would arrive at my parents’ house after work to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with my family. This year, we did not follow the same trend. My parents and son attended another Thanksgiving, Ryan went hunting, and my daughter stayed home. I felt a little empty without tradition awaiting me and I had a lot on my mind from work after recently taking a new position. 

Attempting optimism, I looked forward to Christmas decorating that Thanksgiving afternoon. I got the Christmas boxes out, moved the tree to the corner of the living room, and began stringing the lights. But instead of giving a glimmer of cheer, it seemed each time I went around the tree, burdens I carried became louder and louder until I suddenly became aware of the fun I was not having. I was irritated at myself for thinking of anything other than holiday fun at a time like this!

I didn’t give up so easily- I asked the kids if they were ready to help decorate the tree. That would surely make me feel better! Except to my disappointment neither of them had interest in hanging ornaments this year. Had they already outgrown it? I thought to myself, I can still enjoy it! 

I unwrapped the two new boxes of shiny pink ornaments I’d gotten, imagining how it would look to hang all the different shades and textures of my favorite color. How they would glimmer in the lights! Except once I opened them, I saw they did not come with little ornament hooks and wouldn’t look right without that. Given it was a holiday, stores were not open for me to go buy these. I could not finish decorating the tree. 

The next box I opened held the front door garland and window wreaths. I checked the lights to make sure they still worked. They did! But my heart sank as I realized I didn’t have enough large hooks to hang them outside, and Ryan wasn’t home to help me figure out if he might have something I could use to hang any of it.

I let out a sigh. Overwhelm flooded me as I peered around the room at all the Christmas decor and boxes lying around, opened. Unfinished. All day I’d given my best effort at distraction from the nagging disappointment I felt, with hopes set on Christmas decorating to brighten my mood!

“It goes on, and on, and on, and on…”

I hate to admit this both to my reader and myself, because truly– my life is a beautiful, blessed life. But I felt sad! I was lonely. Expectations were unmet and I was exhausted from an already long work week. I completed none of the excitement I anticipated.

 I sent up a quick prayer expressing my sorrow for being concerned with such trivial things when there was so much else going on in the world, and how I should just be grateful.

I plopped down on the couch, remembering God had laid on my heart recently to spend time with him in the afternoons. Oh, yeah! I was going to start doing that, wasn’t I?

Lacking mental capacity to take in anymore information for the day, I skipped trying to self encourage with scripture or elaborate prayer. I just wrote to the Lord in my journal, “Holy Spirit, what do you say? Make sure I hear only you.” 

I got still and closed my eyes. An image came to mind of Santa Claus cupping his hands under his chin, blowing a wind of sparkles toward me. The sound of cool air blew just as you might hear in the animated film Frosty the Snowman. I heard,

“It’s going to be just right! Not too soon, not too late. Not too much; not too little. I’m breathing Christmas cheer on you now!” 

Admittedly, I was uncertain this was God speaking to me. Because… would he really give me a picture of Santa? And was my “Christmas spirit” truly on the agenda? But who am I to put God in a box; so I wrote it down in my journal anyway. Then I wrote a shortened version of Matthew 11:28-30 which I distinctly remember coming to mind:

Come to Me you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

A nap seemed appropriate, as mentally worn as I was. I set an alarm for an hour or so and said to God, “I don’t know if that Santa thing was you or if you are really blowing ‘Christmas cheer’ on me, but if there’s anything else you want to tell me could you please say it in a dream because I’m exhausted!” 

“Christmas lights; People…”

Twenty minutes in, I could feel I was not able to sleep. I turned over to remove the alarm from my phone when I heard a vehicle pull into the driveway and car doors shut. Someone was here. 

“Payton!” My dad called as he and my mom came walking through the door. 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I was in the mood for company at the moment. But my dad encouraged me to have a cup of coffee with him and that never hurts! I explained my disappointment in how I really got my hopes up with the Christmas decorating and all my expectations failed. I explained that if I could only have hung the garland over the front door….

To my surprise, my dad had such an easy going rebuttal. He explained, “That ain’t hard.. All you got to do is….” and then he said, “I’m sure Ryan has some zip ties out there in the garage, and I could..” I thought, He’s going to help me hang my garland?! Say no more! 

Immediately, my spirits lifted. I brought the ladder, the garland, the drill, the zip ties, and what hooks I did have, and he hung the garland for me within minutes. Then I shared with my parents my vision for two little Christmas trees to sit in the pots on my front porch. The next thing I knew, we were all (my son included) decorating the little potted porch trees with multicolored ornaments. 

As silly as it is, I was completely re-energized. My holiday excitement was officially rekindled! 

That night I reflected on this, giving complete credit to the Lord for sending my parents when I needed them. In 20 minutes flat, God had answered my little prayer with my dad’s optimism and willingness to help!

The whole Christmas season I replayed this in my mind. No matter what trials came my way (and they did), I remembered that nothing was too hard or too trivial for my God. 

“Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to that feelin’…”

Fast forward to Christmas Day, the holiday festivities approached the end. All of our gifts at home had been opened. Then we went to my parents’ house where we made up for lost time savoring a Thanksgiving dinner together. With full bellies and grateful hearts, we all enjoyed more gifts with my parents.

Just as we thought the last gifts had been opened, my dad reached into their Christmas tree, removing cards for Ryan and I from the branches.  But wait. How had I not noticed cards in the tree before?

He handed me the card with my name on it. My fingers picked at the little round Christmas tree sticker on the back of the white envelope.

When I saw the front of the card, time stood still; This picture, I was strangely familiar with….

In my hands was a picture of Santa Claus, hands under his chin, blowing sparkles toward its recipient; exactly as I had envisioned Thanksgiving Day. The words from my journal echoed to me..

“It’s going to be just right… I’m blowing Christmas cheer on you.”

Under the picture it read, “Christmas Wishes”. Yes, yes it was.

Printed on the inside of the card was,  “Don’t stop believin’ ”   .

I knew the message was in my dad’s handwriting. I tried not to look up or speak for a few moments, feeling unexpectedly vulnerable. Tears burned my eyes. The message contained excitement for the new year, congratulations on my promotion, and being proud of me… “From Mamma and Daddy.”

I guess no matter how old you get, the little girl in you still wants to make her dad proud. And when that message is conveyed, it means everything.

There are different conclusions I could draw from this story. But if I could leave my reader with one thing… God cared enough not only to encourage me in a moment, but to bring it full circle a month later through little details only he and I could know.

God is involved in your life, too – invested in all the details. He knows what you need and gladly gives it. So no matter how big or small, and even if you’re too tired, just ask for him.

And don’t stop believin’.

Payton